February 22, 2015 "Plan B and Plan Z"

Genesis 9: 8-17 Mark 1: 1-15 Of all the possible combination of Scripture passages, I never before put these two together. However, a few weeks ago in Confirmation Class, while considering the Trinity, one of the students asked “If God was prepared to destroy the Earth in the flood, why did he send Jesus to die on the cross, that seems like opposite extremes?” A great question, I had been working on, when suddenly the Lectionary gave us these two passages. When we hear the story of Noah, we recall the animals going on two by two, we recall the Arky Arky song of childhood, we may even recall the Cosby version of the 1960s, where a voice calls from heaven “Noah, Noah...” and Noah replies “What?” But ironically, in the Bible, Noah never sings or speaks. Connected to the beginning of Genesis, even before the Garden, when The Spirit brooded over the face of the waters, the Waters represented Chaos which kills and destroys, like Ocean waves crashing in upon each other. In Creation, God did not eliminate the waters, the chaos, God provided balance and order. Here, when the chaos within humanity takes over, God withdrew protections from chaos, allowing the forces of the world to destroy life. Hearing this story, our minds immediately jump to one of two conclusions: The world was so filled with sin and violence, God responded with violence. That is the nature of anger, sin and violence, we respond, we meet comment with comment, blame with blame, hostility with hostility. God's Rainbow may be God providing assurance never to unleash limitless chaos upon the world again. / OR / God saved a remnant, a consistent theme throughout Scripture is as evil as the Empires may become, there is always hope for an individual, a couple, a family, because God will provide. But the flood and the rainbow are not about Noah, or about Creation learning their lesson, because Noah and the animals and sin all exist after the flood just as before, what changes is God! Every culture, every people throughout history have had a story of a great flood. The Babylonians claimed there was a great battle between chaos and order, between dark and light, that was the origin of life. The Iroquois Nation believed that seeds of Creation were trapped in the shell of a great sea turtle, which grew as the turtle swims to form creation and life. Skaneateles Lake is proof of there having been a flood, for at one time, this area, as well as Northern Michigan, the Mediterranean sea and North Africa each were covered by great Salt lakes growing living corral, when glaciers froze and compressed every living thing, and as they melted fresh water flooded and the corral was fossilized into Stag Horn Corral, Stove Pipe Corral and Petoskey Stones. The Greeks following Aristotle believed the Gods were “Unmovable Prime Movers” forces of creation who set the cosmos in motion, then left uninvolved, uncaring, except occasionally to enter in to torment and play with peoples' lives. One of the great Hebrew Theologians of the 20th Century Abraham Heschel claimed that the God of Scripture is “The Most Moved Mover” of all, because in this passage, God mourns, God weeps, God changes. Telling this story to our children, we make it like going to the Zoo to see the animals, we would never tell this in the gruesome horror of all the dead people and animals floating on the waters. Like the destruction of Pharaoh and Egypt after the Red Sea, this is a story of the powers of destruction. But what catches my attention and surprises me about listening to this this morning is God's Covenant. What does it mean, if the rainbow in the heavens is not simply refraction of light into a prism of colors, but God choosing to live in relationship differently? I think first, is the ancient Hebrew understanding that as big as the rainbow is, this was God's weapon of war, which God has chosen to hang up rather than pointing at the earth. God chooses that it hurts too much to fight against Creation, to hunt life, so God will not respond to our violence with violence. Second, God is choosing to accept limits so as to be in relationship with us. No one would ever volunteer to immerse themselves in feces or vomit, or sacrifice their health and sleep; but for the sake of our child we would. There comes a transition between being pronounced as married and being married where one abandons aspirations and expectations, wants and dreams, for the needs of the other. That volunteering to self-impose limits is a piece of what the Rainbow as Covenant represents. But I believe also, and I find no documentation of this anywhere else, but from the point of Beginning through this passage, when Covenants are formed, when pronouncements are made, they each have been completely from God for God. God called life Good and it was. God called life evil and chaos was unleashed. God covenanted never again to destroy, and from this point forward Covenants require a reciprocity. God's Plan B is that God will be God and we will be God's people. Abraham and Sarah will follow God. Moses will lead God's people where God leads. David will be King of God's people Israel. Throughout the Bible God has had many different plans, many Covenants, many eras of relationship. One of the pieces to remember, is that God never breaks or abandons God's Covenants. God adds to them. God unveils a different twist that we had not anticipated, but God never breaks or abandons. The same elements we discussed in Genesis, at the Beginning, and in the Flood are also here Mark's Gospel at Jesus' Baptism and Temptation. There is Evil and Human sin, there is Water, Chaos which drowns, there is the Spirit from heaven coming down, and there is God working for salvation through a remnant, One. The first day of Seminary, Professor Louis Martyn gave us an assignment. Write what you believe, everything you believe about God in Jesus Christ. Write your creed, your Statement of Faith, your Covenant, but write this as telling the story of the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. This is the Gospel, individual believers just like us, writing what they believe, what we believe about God, through the life of Jesus. There is nothing inconsistent between those stories from Genesis and the life of Jesus Christ. What is different, what makes this plan Z instead of Plan A or Plan B, is that while God has limitless possibilities and all things are possibilities with God, Human beings are limited, we are mortal, we make choices, and this is the fulfillment, the last best choice for us. God loves us so much, God takes on human reality and enters in to be one with us. The Gospel of Mark does not go into the detail which Matthew and Luke do, of what the Temptations of Jesus were. What I hear and read in these words are three affirmations. First, that as Jesus was Baptized he saw and heard the barrier between Heaven and Earth Ripped Open. His reality, all the rules and authorities we thought we knew are for ever changed, because the barrier between Heaven and Earth between the physical and spiritual was opened, and ripped, it can never be put back together. In Heaven Ripping Open, the Spirit of God descended not upon him, but INTO him. Second, that he was driven by this Spirit to go into the Wilderness. There is a marvelous polarity throughout that Jesus was in the Water and went to the Desert, The Spirit came into him and he was Tempted by the Devil, he dwelt among wild beasts and angels waited upon him. But the point is not that he went into any retreat, just any desert, Jesus went into the wilderness for 40 cycles, just as Moses and the People of Israel had come through 40 years in the wilderness, facing temptations, living with wild beasts and discerning who is God, so did Jesus. But finally, that in his Baptism, Jesus received on behalf of all humanity “You are Beloved! You are the Child of God!” Plan Z is that God has chosen to rip open all the barriers between us and to love us unconditionally.

Ash Wednesday, Feb 18, 2015, "Ambidextrous Righteousness"

Psalm 51:1-17 II Corinthians 5:20-6:10 Life is a set up! From earliest days we are taught, Do right and you will be rewarded, blessed, thanked. However when you do wrong, if you break the rules, you are punished. The sheep are always on the right, goats to the left. But the Bible speaks to a different reality! Good people do suffer, and at times it seems people get away with terrible sins. Whether right or left, good or bad, suffering or reward, there is still God. We can get angry, but we cannot escape God. All receive righteousness, sometimes through hardship, sometimes through blessing! Relationship with God is Ambidextrous coming through right and left! We read the Bible differently than other literature. You would never read 3 sentences of a Novel once a week. While we may enjoy a good line, or dialogue of conversation, you would never claim one line or one conversation encapsulated what a film or story were all about. Yet we read 17 verses of one of 150 songs, and 10 verses out of one letter between people having on-going conversations, from which to describe our faith in God. Most often as we read the Bible, it is a parable or a story, or if Prophecy the Word of God or the Word of the Prophet. Tonight's readings are different, these comprise a lament, a plea for reconciliation, good or bad that Creation no longer be broken. The Psalmist recognizes they have/we have done wrong, and wails for forgiveness. The Old Testament based on Law, followed a legal system that when we did wrong, the wrong rippled outward as debt, affecting the individual, emotionally and physically, their relationship, their community, infecting the whole world, even wounding God. The payment for this debt was a sacrifice, blood for blood, that which was created from ashes burned to ash, in order that the sacrificial prayer for the life taken would rise to heaven like the smoke from incense. The smudge on our foreheads is indication that we are marked by our sins. Just as if we leaned in over the burning smoke, and our sacrifice to God marked us. But we are too experienced at commercial trade; money, labor, a debt loses value, as we go through the motions of routine, and our sacrifices begin to feel like manipulation. Forgiveness can begin to feel like New Year's resolutions, we know we will not keep, but still we say we will. I do not have to feel remorse, I do not have to feel guilt, I only have to say I am sorry, I only have to pay the debt, more even because forgiveness leaves us wary that the sinner will do so again. In the early writings of this church, I came across something I had never seen before, that the Session understood, when we sin, when we do harm to one another, it is not only between us, but however private or public we have wounded God, we have crucified Christ. I am offended whenever cultures of anti-semitism claim it was the Jews who crucified Jesus, because I did, every time I have done harm, said something, or refused to, I crucified him. Years ago, I took training in what at the time was called Bio-Medical Ethics. The course was filled with Doctors, Nurses and Attorneys, and I happened to be the only minister. One day in the men's room, one of the attorneys in the group took a swing at me as he said “You Church people offend me, do you know how many times I have had to go to court fighting against the church?” I tried to say, “but there are also those of us in the church who have fought for a person's right to choose.” But the words fell on deaf ears. The President recently compared ISIS to Christianity in the Crusades/ Inquisition committing atrocities. Christians did, but we learned painful lessons of humanity from this, and Christians were also responsible for Civil Rights and Public Education, and compassionate changes to American culture. Over the years, I have come to believe that when such wounds exist, there needs to be more than the debt to be paid, we wounded God and Created Balance, the point is not only between the individuals, but to balance creation there is need for a gift of atonement. The Psalmist pleads for more than forgiveness more even than atonement, here the Psalmist begs for re-creation. In being marked with ashes, we are reminded from dust we come, to dust we return, and all of life, the spirit and hope within us are gifts of God, without which we are dead, we are nothing before God. As a Preacher, you know something profound has happened when instead of being greeted at the end of the service with a limp handshake and the words “Nice sermon pastor” months even years go by, and someone reminisces that they have been working on a sermon idea. Recently we had a wedding, at which one of those who grew up in the church sought me out to say, “What I remember most was Ash Wednesday. Sunday mornings before church, Mom would check us over to make sure our faces were clean and hands were washed, but this night you looked us in the eye and put soot right up between our eyes, all the while saying we were forgiven. I was surprised how that night, and for the next several days, I felt ashamed that everyone could see my sins, what happened, and the residue of forgiveness. But the more I thought about it, I realized this was one of the most honest feelings I ever had. I could not hide that I had been touched, it was right there on my forehead, and I had been forgiven. Even though no one else could see the mark of the ashes, I could, and it made me feel... hopeful. I knew I was not the person I wanted to be, but that mark was God saying I know what you can be, I forgive you so you can be!” There are numerous places throughout Scripture which describe a Day of Atonement, A Day of the LORD, a time to Repent, a day of Reconciliation. This letter from Paul to Corinth, is the only place naming “This is the Day of Salvation, the Acceptable Day!” Such a time, is not a day of conquering, but a night of coming to the table together, the table where we recognize our brokenness and hope. What has astonished people about the new Pope has been his humility and humanity. Would that our world leaders, instead of attempting to display having all the answers would humbly confess, I do not know, so I trust our experts to advise us on what they know. I rarely remember my dreams, so when I do, I think it might be important. During Doctoral Study, I had a dream of arriving late for worship. I got to the church, and instead of walking in the front doors, or walking past the Chancel, I recall coming through the Cellar. As I came up the back stairs, the ushers did not escort me as pastor up to the Chancel, or as a Bass to the Choir, but instead to sit in the back row. I recall the realization, you are the Pastor of the Church, you are a Doctor among learned colleagues, but in the church your role is to sit in the congregation as a person in need of forgiveness like everyone else. Sunday, as Mario was preaching, he told the story of having been a child who often got into trouble. Immediately it occurred to me that when our parents wanted one of us, they called all of us: “Doug,Keith,Craig,Mark come here!” But when we were in real trouble, they addressed us by our First and middle names, what are routinely called our Christian names “Craig Jonathan!” How odd and perhaps how appropriate that the only times in life when our Christian names are used are when we are in trouble, when we have sinned, and at holy occasions, our Baptisms, our Confirmations, Weddings, Ordinations and our Burials. I believe the times we recognize our sins and the times we celebrate life are times of Ambidextrous Righteousness, when we stand most in need of our Savior. This is the Day of Salvation, this is the day of our True Acceptance for who and whose we are.

"Spiritual Amnesia" February 8, 2015

Isaiah 40:21-31 Mark 1:29-39 What is our purpose? What awes and inspires you? What is there that makes you feel alive, aware? Fish were created to swim. Birds were designed for singing and flying. Mountains form the horizons of our world. Trees and flowers provide photosynthesis, pollens for insects, homes for all nature to rest in. What is our purpose? Not only as Christians but as human beings, why are we here? Is our purpose to make money? We spend a great deal of our lives focused on that. Is our purpose to give birth and raise children? Who are we then once they are gone and what of those unable? Is our purpose to rule, to dominate, to war? If so will we ever be satisfied, can we be happy? What is there which awes and inspires you? Do you remember your Baptism your Confirmation? Do you recall your Wedding day? Do you remember the birth of your children? Do you remember when you first came to this church? Do you remember, or have we become so blinded by what's next, accumulating experiences that we forget who we are, who God is, what has been meaningful? The dilemma of not knowing our purpose, is perpetual searching for what might satisfy, what will make us happy, who are we? Not knowing, we add to our stress, both in not knowing / but also in pursuing stressors which can never satisfy. If our goal is to breathe under water, we may become better able to stay under water than anyone else in the world, but still we are not fish. If our goal is to fly, we may find the ability to soar, we may be able to travel round the world and venture into space, but we need to find a place to land because we are earthlings, humans of the humus. Our stress at life, our search for identity and purpose and satisfaction, all relate back to the question what inspires you, what awes you, what is there that touches who we are and yet also surpasses and fulfills. Our struggle with mastery of so many things, is we have developed spiritual amnesia. Having forgotten that there is a God, we have taken on the role of being God to ourselves, and just like choosing to be a fish, or flower or bird, it is a lovely dream but denies our limits and fails to fulfill all that we could be by our nature. In CNY we have developed means of coping with our environment, we plow the sidewalks, we use front-end loaders and dump trucks to haul the snow to the lakes, our blood thickens to cope with the cold, our vision acclimates to discern among the 50 shades of grey, and we learn to take Vitamin D to compensate for the lack of sun, so as to be able to absorb the calcium we need. In the dark of night, when skies are clear and we are away from street lights, we learn to chart our way by recognizing stars and constellations. Because as close as many stars as we can see in the heavens, there are spaces between, voids of waste and nothingness allowing our imaginations to connect the dots of the clusters we do see. In 1990, the Hubble Telescope was put into service, allowing humanity to search the voids, to see what is beyond our vision, to know what is in the blackness. What we learned was that these were not voids at all, but that beyond what we had seen and known were solar systems and galaxies as yet unseen. As awesome and amazing as these images are, we have not found anything else like us. There was a time, in which particularly as Presbyterians we memorized the Westminster Catechism. We did so, not simply as a way of teaching Confirmation Class, or to explain the relevance of God, but to explain who we are, why we are, and what our purpose is in life. The first question of the catechism was “What is the Chief End of Humanity? What is your greatest purpose in life?” The answer was to love God and praise God forever. Our purpose as human creatures is that simple. But having amnesia about God, and amnesia about our need for what awes, what inspires, we have all been searching without finding. Expanding our universe and pushing the edges of knowledge, we still return to the basic question: Do we remember who we are and what is our purpose? The First Testament Prophet Isaiah describes all the things that the nation of Israel had tried, their worship of fads and vanities and idols of their own creation, their seeking after what other nations had and trying to be like other nations. In Chapter 40 God asks “ Have you not known, have you not heard, has it not been revealed to you from the dawn of the universe: God alone is God, God created the world, making Rulers and Princes as nothing. The Lord is the everlasting God, the source of all wisdom. Even youth grow weary and fall exhausted, but those who wait for the Lord renew their strength.” Part of standing outside before worship is serving as Pastor to the whole Village, blessing folks as they go by, greeting those in need. One of the great joys is watching the children who skip on their way to worship, and those who ride their bikes and scooters, those who call out the windows as their families drive in “Good Morning Pastor Lindsey.” Or Pastor Mario in the midst of worship to proclaim “Hello Church!” To love God and praise God for ever, it is just that simple. Most of us in the 21st Century read these passages from Mark rather incredulous. Simon and Andrew bring Jesus to their home, where Simon's Mother-in-Law lays ill with a fever, Jesus cures her and she gets up out of bed to serve them! Jesus encounters a leper, who entreats Jesus “If he cares” he could heal him, and Jesus says “I Care.” But in context they mean a great deal more. Mark's point is not that Jesus healed this woman SO she could serve the men; but rather when she was well, she had the joy of a host welcoming honored guests into her home. Imagine, you are sick with a high fever and there are no antibiotics, no doctor to go to, you endure and you either get well or die! And most people, when they had an infection, any infection, died. Now instead imagine, how you feel when hosting guests in your home, the honor and joy you feel at sharing what you can do with guests. This is the change that happens to her, and it happens because Jesus cared enough to not ignore her, to not leave her as she was, but to risk entering the space of one who was infectious, and touching her, holding her hand. We live in such a sterile world, where we purify everything, coming into the United States we are checked for Ebola, leaving the United States we are checked for Measles. Where we fear who touches us, and how and whether it is inappropriate to be touched. But Jesus took her by the hand, and care her the strength and encouragement to be whole, to be a host in her home. There are few passages in the Old or New Testament which speak directly to the question of God's love and our faith in God. When Moses receives the Name of God upon the Mountaintop, the name “I AM” as if to say, all that is, all that has ever or will ever be, exists because God cares and knows us each. When Jesus comes down the mountain meeting the father of a son and asks him “Do you believe?” and the father responds “Yes, I believe but help my unbeliefs!” And also here, when Jesus encounters a Leper, who following cultural law tells Jesus to stay away, but in desperation speaks out “If you will it, you can make me whole” and Jesus responds “I will.” Awesome, Inspiring? All that exists, from the farthest reaches of space, beyond what we could ever witness in the black voids of waste, to what happens when we are at our most vulnerable and weak, God knows and cares, Jesus enters in touching us being one with us, and we are willed to life. Who are we, we are human creatures inspired by God! Day in day out we each live physical mortal life, rationally pursuing our goals. But there are times, moments out of time when before God we soar like eagles! In addition to those Mountaintop experiences, there are times when we have stamina and strength to run through the finish line. These are not by our strength, our human ability, for we know the strongest humans fail and grow weak. These are inspired by God, and if these, then so also when we walk through life, experiencing all God has in store for us. Who are we, we are touched by God!

"What Have You to Do With Us?" February 01, 2015

Deuteronomy 18:15-20 Mark 1:21-28 Who are the ones you let into your life? The ones you seek for guidance and inspiration, wisdom? Who are those authority figures, that you check in with before making major life decisions? This week I had a phone call from someone whose family I baptized 25 years ago, she and her husband at that time had since divorced she had moved cross country and at 57 had fallen in love and wanted to marry. She was phoning to say that she always thought if she were to marry again, she wanted me to officiate. It is that kind of relationship, that role in your life, that authority, I am addressing. When my parents died, it shook me. I had known death. I was prepared for loss. I was even prepared that they had been the hub for the spokes of our family, keeping us connected. What I was unprepared for, is that throughout our lives they had consistently been the ones who spoke with authority. In earliest memories they provided safety and reassuring. There was always a meal on the table. There was always someone there for us. Part of the “My Dad is tougher than your Dad” or “as long as footballs are inflated My team can win the Superbowl,” is that appeal to authority, that we are protected, we are secure, we have the source of answers, so no matter what we cannot fail. The more sweaters Mom knit, the more Spelling Bees they prepared us for, the more Scouting events they attended, the more Science Fairs they helped us with, the more authority they had in our lives, and the more secure we felt. When suddenly that was gone and we were threatened. When commercial airplanes were flown into the World Trade Center Towers, our Authority suffered. When we planned our futures on the value of our homes, on stocks and portfolios, and these lost value. When our bodies suddenly develop a tumor, or our marriage is threatened. Whenever we have placed our trust in a reality, and that reality is challenged, the issue is more than the circumstance it becomes a question of who we are, and who we are in relationship to the world. “Who are you to us” is the question of life. Moses stood up to Pharaoh, saying “Let my people go!” Moses led the slaves of Pharaoh out of Egypt into a wilderness, and over and over again, against Jebusites, Perizites, Hittites, hunger and thirst, Moses was the voice of authority. Suddenly the question is raised: What happens when Moses dies? Who are the people who follow Moses, without Moses? Will God still be with us without Moses? And the assurance that was offered was that God would raise up others, like Moses, to speak God's Word and provide leadership. By the time of Caesar, Judaism had developed with differing authorities, so whenever questions arose, Scribes would quote Rabbi Hillel says, but then again Rabbi Moshel says, the difficulty like a discussion between SeaHawks and Patriots Fans, being that neither side is willing to accept the other's authority. Imagine, you were at the Synagogue at Capernaum that Sabbath, when instead of the usual preacher, or Pastor Bolivar, or Rabbi Weiss, or Rabbi Niebuhr, instead an unknown Carpenter's Son from Nazareth was announced. The first thing that is amazing is that among all the Red Letter Bibles, we do not know what Jesus said that day. The only thing we do know is, he does not appeal to authority borrowed from others, but spoke with the authority of one who personally knows God. Just when Jesus has the congregation listening intently, convinced this Jesus does speak with authority, suddenly a man in the back row lets out a blood curdling scream “What have you to do with us, Jesus of Nazareth? We know you are the Son of the Most High!” To have ready and to tell an appropriate Parable is tough. To preach accented with miracles, takes divine authority. But Exorcisms, remind us all of Linda Blair, and take the question of authority from a rational and philosophical exercise into a personal matter of life and death and psychoses. Taking this story seriously, the man with an unclean demon, sound like a person in the midst of addiction. For decades the standard for the War on Drugs was to shun those in addiction, to recognize that addiction causes the rest of us to be manipulated as “Enablers.” The Liberal voices of our culture have said addiction is a disease. The Conservative voices have said this is a moral failing, a weakness in the addict's character. Regardless, this is an issue of the role of the community, the people who make a difference. I recall a commercial for Drug Free America in the 1970s, that showed a Rat in an isolation cage, given a choice of two drinking bottles. The one was pure water, the other was water laced with heroin. The rat returned time after time to the heroin, until it died. Simple direct message. However, recently a researcher Bruce Alexander ran the same test differently. He questioned not whether heroin is addictive, it is highly addictive, but whether the isolation made a difference. Alexander created a community cage for rats, with tunnels and wheels and balls to play with, good food and multiple rats. Each of the rats tries the heroin laced water and rejected it, because they did not need or want it. He then tried rats that had been in the isolation cage for two months, when they were thoroughly addicted and put these into the communal setting. While they had twitches and difficulty sleeping while going through with drawl, they each avoided the heroin they were addicted to and went through withdrawl. Loving an addict is hard, especially when supporting their change. Whether smoking, or drinking, or porn, or drugs, addiction takes over lives, pushes out everything and everyone else until like the man at Capernaum he could not separate himself from the addiction and spoke as a We, What have you to do with US, united to his own evil. To forgive, to hold firm in the midst of another's attempts at manipulation, is a version of hell. But if the choice is between cutting off someone you love as if dead, and holding them accountable to your relationship I have to believe in the power of your authority. The power to say “You matter to me, you are part of who I am, that is 'What you have to do with us' and this addiction, this sin, this disease, is so painful to me I do not know how to continue.” The fact of the matter is that as human beings we need to bond. Isolation is punishment. If we cannot bond with other people, we bond with cutting ourselves, or the rush of a drug, or the whirr of a roulette wheel, we need to bond. Therefore the question instead of abstinence and sobriety, is a need for bonding. Years ago, I was called by members of the church to officiate at a wedding for their daughter. We went through all the preparations and celebration but a few years later they divorced. Years afterward, I had a phone call from the groom, saying that he had continually gotten into trouble and now needed to report to the Justice Center in Syracuse, and he claimed he had no one else who could I go with him. The next many weeks and months I visited him in prison, sat behind him in court. Realize that going in to talk at the Justice Center involves waiting, and being searched and talking through a plate glass wall. One day he was not allowed to leave his cell, I like remember like entering the Pentagon one steel door closing and locking before the next would open, as you were guided by a voice through hallways and stairwells. Until I came to the block of cells, where I spoke through a hole in a steel door. Afterward, I received a letter describing how much that visit had meant to him. Months later he was released, reconnected with his mother and his son and I thought had moved on. But then he was arrested again, this time for selling drugs, I thought I was enabling and he needed “tough love” so cut off all communication, as day after day he phoned and wrote letters, and I had no further contact, he was after all the former husband of the daughter of former members. Then, one day, I heard from another pastor that he had taken on this same man, who seemed so much in need. I realized not only had my tough love been undermined, but I had been replaced. I wish I had a better ending for you. Sometimes all we can do is try.